When I was getting into my car after work today, I found this laying in the gutter next to my door. I picked it up and popped it in my CD player, and quickly learned that I knew none of the songs on this disc. I wasn’t surprised by this, because I mean really, Will Smith hasn’t had a decent song since he was the Fresh Prince…that was him, right? I did get to hear a snippet of a song about him being a “nice guy”, as well as a little tune on which he was accompanied by Snoop Dogg, if you can believe that. I had no idea they ran in the same circles. Tomorrow when I go to work I may return this CD to the gutter where I found it. It’s owner may be looking for it. Which makes me wonder what the owner of this CD looks like…hmm, I’ll need to ponder that one.
Thanks Starbucks, You’re About To Make A Fatter America. March 24, 2010
Some of you may still not have heard this, but if you watched Ellen on Tuesday then you have already seen it. Starbucks is set to introduce a new cold cup size called “trenta”. Hold on to your hats and glasses kids, because this new size holds a whopping 30 oz. of liquid. It’s like the Big Gulp of Starbucks. I already feel bad when I have to serve someone a venti caramel frappuccino, which they have asked me to try to cram extra whipped cream and caramel sauce onto, but the first few times I have to serve one of these trenta beasts I might vomit a little in my mouth. Seriously, what is America coming to? Who needs that much caffeine and sugar? I have had a couple of customers ask me about the new size, and it took all the power within me to not jump up on the counter and yell from the top of my lungs my manifesto of disgust about the trenta. Just writing this blog post is making me angry, and a little sick to my stomach. On a lighter note, here’s a video shot inside my store of one of our regular customers. Last time he came in I had to kick him out for talking too loudly and being disruptive. He told me that it was because Bill Gates was inside his brain. I asked him if Bill Gates was going to be able to keep his voice down. Yadda, yadda, yadda, he told me I was going to be terminated, yadda, yadda, yadda, I asked him to leave. Enjoy.
The Things You Learn About The Person You’re Married To. March 22, 2010
Last night after an awesome day with our friends, and a great movie night with The Bean, Keith and I were in bed doing what a lot of couples I know do, which is fooling around…on our computers. Some how we ended up on the topic of Amy Grant, and Keith said that he used to like her. In fact, I think he might have even said that she was cute. Whatever. I said that in her videos, the ones that pissed off Christians everywhere, you know, this one, and this one where in both she can be seen canoodling with a man who is not her husband, that she could pass for Elaine from Seinfeld (back there when I typed “this one” twice, that was supposed to link you to the YouTube videos of “Baby Baby” and “Good For Me”, but thanks to embedding disablement, you will just have to look them up yourself. I would recommend it, by the way, as they are quite a visual slice of the 90’s). Then Keith came across this video, which I must say is probably one of the scariest things that the 80’s left behind. The pants and jacket say it all, and boy are there a lot of white people in that audience. Oh sweet, contemporary Christian music. Your beginnings are so sad.
Because I’m Too Tired To Be Witty March 18, 2010
To most of you this video is old news, but personally I don’t think that you can put a time line on funny, which is why I have decided to post it here on my blog. Keith played this for some guys at our house on Sunday, and I don’t think that either of them laughed once. When it was over all they really talked about was which guys didn’t deserve to be in it. I don’t now if that was a round about way of saying that they should be in the club instead of these celebrities or not. Either way, here you go. And I somehow want to figure out how to get Keith to let me name our next child Handsome Hawk.
My husband informed me a few days ago that I had been called out by a friend of ours for not keeping up my blog. This friend of ours would probably not even realize that I wasn’t blogging if it weren’t for the fact that she is a new mother, and spends a lot of late nights with her boobs hanging out looking for something entertaining to keep her from falling asleep on the adorable creature suckling below. In my defense, I must say that I have a very good reason for not blogging, and that reason is…Facebook. I may have mentioned that before on here, but it’s seriously addicting. I literally could spend my whole evening with my laptop on my lap (of course) refreshing the Facebook status update page every 2 minutes, waiting for someone new to post an interesting tidbit. Every once in a while I will check out the pictures page, but mostly I’m just a constant “refresher”. Wow, now that I say that, I sound pretty pathetic. Jamie, I promise you that I will try to limit my sad, sad obsession so that in those wee hours of the morning I can offer you at least a few minutes of entertainment. If I am successful your husband’s boyfriend (Stephen) will be so happy as well. Love you Jamie, and I want to eat your baby’s face up…in a good way.